A Attorney's Trip to the Dark Side

by Jonathan Miller, Copyright 2005 I was torn between both sides of the force. I'm a criminal lawyer and I was supposed to wait to meet a client's family who were supposed to finally bring a retainer check that morning. I was also a Star Wars fan, and already had a ticket to the 12:30 showing of Revenge of the Sith on opening day. It was now 11:30 and I worried that perhaps the family had gone to my old Alderaan office by mistake. That office had been ruined by the Death Star. If I didn't get some clients soon, I would probably have to start advertising in the bathrooms at the cantina in Mos Eisely, again. I waited patiently, but I did not have the patience of even a padawan. I needed the money badly , but then Star Wars is Star Wars and it would never be opening day again. I checked my watch again. It was getting late. I would have to go if I wanted to see the start of the movie or get a seat in a galaxy that wasn?t far, far away. I compromised. I would take my phone with me. Hopefully they would call and reschedule before the movie started. I didn?t know whether I?d have to keep my phone on in theater. As the Chancellor Palpatine would say, that would be most unnatural. I shuddered, if my client's family thought I was watching Star Wars instead of thinking about their case, I might as well be back to defending illegal nerf herders back on Tattooine. I could have passed for Chancellor Palpatine's legislative assistant, but after changing in the car, I now wore shorts and a t-shirt with one of the Star Wars ?M? rated computer games. I drove my pre-Millenium Falcon as fast as I could but it was hard to make the Cinema run in less than 12 parsecs, especially when I had to park all the way by the Forest Moon of Endor in what I hoped was not a handicapped spot. The multiplex had more theaters than the Imperial Senate had delegates. All theaters showed Star Wars. The line of people was long. Would we all fit inside. About half the people were there in costume, although no one looked like Jar Jar Binks. One guy looked exactly like Ewen MacGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi. I remembered that my client, an accused drug trafficker, actually looked a lot like Ewen MacGregor, unfortunately like Ewen as the drug addict in Trainspotting. As I walked down the long corridor. I scanned the audience. A group of young Jewish boys in skullcaps apparently went to a more orthodox Jedi temple. Finally I got behind a bunch of air men from nearby Kirtland Air Force Base. They were discussed learning to fly, learning to kill from the Star Wars games. I didn't know if that was a good thing. The dark side indeed. The ushers looked like clones in blue jackets, and they started to seat us. I had a moment of fear. Fear leads to pain. Pain leads to suffering and suffering leads to. . .. What exactly? Do I keep my phone on during the movie? I looked around, this was a surly lot of fans who took this movie even more seriously than I did. Some of those light sabers looked real and they would not be pleased to hear me trying to earn my living. I sat in the last aisle seat, hoping against hope that no one would notice when the phone rang. I looked at my watch. The show should have started already. In the seat in front of me, a young man who could pass for either the world largest Ewok or the smallest Wookie, had brought his portable DVD player, and turned it on full blast. He intently watched a previous episode of the trilogy as did the others around them. Suddenly strange electronic sounds came from down below. The entire row of people listened intently. Except they weren't looking at the screen. They were looking at me. Then I realized that it was my phone. The lights were dimming. I would have to be quick. I picked it up. It was a bad connection as if the person was calling from the depths of the mining colony on Geononis and was out of her calling area. I strained to listen and it was indeed my client's mother. She said she had had a slight delay, and wanted to re-schedule. She was headed out of town and had to do it today. I did the math in my head regarding previews and movie length. ?How about four o'clock this afternoon?? I said. I hurriedly gave her my address again. ?Could it be earlier?? she said. She sounded worried. Her son was facing prison, not just being stuck in carbonite here. I remembered when Obi Wan had told a guy in the bar to re-think his life. ?Three forty five,? I said. ?I would have to hurry, but I'd still be able to see Anakin become Darth and miss the credits. ?But four would work better.? There was silence on the other end. The portable DVD switched to yet another light saber battle. A preview for the movie Madagascar had begun. ?I'll be there at four, the mother said. I then heard ?Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope.? I thought it was the mother, but it was from the DVD player. No one really wanted to hear the preview for the movie Madagascar, and they didn't care if I talked over it. But there was now growing consternation when Angelina Jolie appeared on the screen with an ad for Mr.and Mrs. Smith. She was Lara Croft after all, and deserved respect from this crowd. The worlds biggest Ewok turned off his DVD player. I turned my phone off, and would have put it into carbonite casing if I could before some of the Imperial Stormtroopers executed special order six. I sighed with relief. Hopefully this would all work out. I saw the movie and liked it even better than I thought. I ran back to my car, then changed back into lawyer clothes in my car. I hoped that the Star Wars t-shirt did not show through my white button down. I made the trip back in eleven parsecs this time. The mother waited patiently in my office parking lot when I arrived. She looked like she had once been pretty but her life had been ravaged by drugs and disappointments. Well. . .she looked like Carrie Fisher. We talked inside my office and thankfully she did not notice my Star Wars poster. I sounded like a lawyer again and I was as polite as C-3po. I told her how I would handle her son's case and how he would have my complete attention. I was glad that the prequels were over, because I did not want to face this dilemma ever again. Obi Wan wouldn't pay my rent after all, this woman would. We had some awkward moments, but she signed a retainer agreement and then paid me in cash. I wouldn't be in Alderaan after all. I had money. As Yoda would say, Benjamin Franklin, Friend I am to. It had all worked out. After she left, I smiled up at the poster. Obi Wan smiled back. The force was with me! Jonathan Miller is a lawyer, writer and science fiction fan in Albuquerque NM. He's the author of Crater County, a supernatural thriller as well as Rattlesnake Lawyer. His website is rattlesnakelawyer.com